Going Deep into My “Why”

In my adolescent and adult life I continually struggled with who I was. Of course high school was no help with figuring things out. The only goal with any teenager was to fit in. And I was sucked into that mentality immediately, suppressing any idea of authenticity. By my Senior year I was miserable. Conformity was suffocating.

Art was the thing at that time that gave me any sense of control. I wasn’t very talented at expressing myself in my artwork, mostly then it was just still life’s or landscapes lol I was good at being creative and had talent in what I was creating. But I never had a undying passion for it. I certainly loved it there just wasn’t a sense of fulfillment there for me.

By the end of high school for me there was a rebellion against swimming with the crowd. I said fuck it and began shedding the conformity cloak. I was done being miserable and keeping it all to myself. I felt so extremely free, I started wearing what I wanted (bright pink pants and lot of sequins hahaha), saying what I wanted, expressing myself as I wanted. No one’s opinions could get to me.

This was all terrible timing of course due to being thrust into a new environment after this new found sense of self….college life. Along the way that sense of self was lost again.

I was just going through life with no direction. I would go home literally every day after work and watch Netflix til I went to sleep. Real interesting stuff haha

It actually took a break up to wake me up. Get off my ass and just do something.

From there sprung my boss lady self and I found more purpose in my photography. Starting out, the trends in the wedding industry of course seeped its way into my work. I was following the crowd again.

This time was different though as I continued to grow in business working with couples brought a true feeling of passion to me. The way I had my clients interact kept reminding me back to my Senior year in high school. That feeling of authentic self. My clients chose each other not just to be together but because of who they were. Once committing to one another meant full acceptance <3 This not only amazes me but makes me work harder to showcase that. Having my couples connecting how they naturally do creates imagery for themselves not for the outside world.

Now I am finally expressing myself through my art. I know I still have a lot of work to do personally but getting my work, my passion, my fulfilling drive to reflect any part of me is a huge step closer to my genuine self. This is my “Why”

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